So, those of you who came here yesterday and felt like you were seeing my brain explode into a billion pieces - you were not so far off...
See Wednesday I had to drive the beautiful Nancy to the airport for a trip to N.C. Then I worked at home the rest of the day, but felt weird all day long.
Then yesterday morning I woke and as I opened my eyes my whole body felt weird and I felt angry and just 'off' (Yeah, I know most people think I am off all the time...)
Then it hit me...THE DAY.
THE DAY...
And even after picking Nancy up yesterday, THE DAY, as she returned from her trip and driving her home, our fingers intertwined...and then having to fix the lock on her back door, and even sitting here now typing this, the anger inside of me has just festered.
As I made my way around to your blogs, some of you had posted about THE DAY...Dianne told her story in a beautiful and touching way, and many of her words and feelings echoed my story. Travis put up a stirring memorial...and we wrote each other later in the day, he having a week of uncomfortable feelings, as I did...and it was hard to see those posts and I wondered why i had not reposted my story...but my story is insignificant compared to the stories of those who lived through the horrors down there or the stories of the families whose loved ones were murdered that day.
The last couple of years I have re-posted my story of THE DAY...this year I did not...I just blocked it out of my mind thinking it was next Thursday, even while looking at the calendar and all...
Last week when Nancy told me of her trip, I did think of THE DAY and I held my tongue...she would be flying on THE DAY...Last year I had a business trip and when I realized they had me on a return flight on THE DAY, I told my company I would not fly and if I had to pay for the extra night in the hotel, I would...they paid...
But somehow...this week...I blocked it out...refused to think about it...but in the end, my body, my soul and my mind would not let me forget THE DAY and that day in my life.
I have still not been able to go down to Ground Zero to this day and not sure I ever will. I know many go there to show their respect...I just can not do it...the one time I had to take the Path and it went through the area, the tracks still open to the sky, I sat there, my eyes tightly closed, tears trying to break through...I could not look. The movies? Never will I sit and watch them. The tributes, I can not do so. when they show a scene on the news and I catch that first glimpse of those majestic buildings, smoke billowing, I close my eyes.
Maybe you think it is silly, maybe you think I am being over dramatic about it...you know, I did not even know one soul lost that day. I did have one close friend who worked in #7. A Secret Service Agent. He was not murdered that day. So why does it affect me so? I can not tell you that. I do not know myself.
Some people rallied and went down over the weeks to come. To cheer the men and women who were digging out the site. Maybe I am weak, but it is something I could not do.
I will NEVER forget THE DAY and the innocents who were murdered or the thousands of heroes who put their lives at risk - many giving their lives in the process -
If you are new and want to read the post about THE DAY, you can go HERE
I will only leave you with this...THE DAY after...but I could not think of it to do so yesterday...
See Wednesday I had to drive the beautiful Nancy to the airport for a trip to N.C. Then I worked at home the rest of the day, but felt weird all day long.
Then yesterday morning I woke and as I opened my eyes my whole body felt weird and I felt angry and just 'off' (Yeah, I know most people think I am off all the time...)
Then it hit me...THE DAY.
THE DAY...
And even after picking Nancy up yesterday, THE DAY, as she returned from her trip and driving her home, our fingers intertwined...and then having to fix the lock on her back door, and even sitting here now typing this, the anger inside of me has just festered.
As I made my way around to your blogs, some of you had posted about THE DAY...Dianne told her story in a beautiful and touching way, and many of her words and feelings echoed my story. Travis put up a stirring memorial...and we wrote each other later in the day, he having a week of uncomfortable feelings, as I did...and it was hard to see those posts and I wondered why i had not reposted my story...but my story is insignificant compared to the stories of those who lived through the horrors down there or the stories of the families whose loved ones were murdered that day.
The last couple of years I have re-posted my story of THE DAY...this year I did not...I just blocked it out of my mind thinking it was next Thursday, even while looking at the calendar and all...
Last week when Nancy told me of her trip, I did think of THE DAY and I held my tongue...she would be flying on THE DAY...Last year I had a business trip and when I realized they had me on a return flight on THE DAY, I told my company I would not fly and if I had to pay for the extra night in the hotel, I would...they paid...
But somehow...this week...I blocked it out...refused to think about it...but in the end, my body, my soul and my mind would not let me forget THE DAY and that day in my life.
I have still not been able to go down to Ground Zero to this day and not sure I ever will. I know many go there to show their respect...I just can not do it...the one time I had to take the Path and it went through the area, the tracks still open to the sky, I sat there, my eyes tightly closed, tears trying to break through...I could not look. The movies? Never will I sit and watch them. The tributes, I can not do so. when they show a scene on the news and I catch that first glimpse of those majestic buildings, smoke billowing, I close my eyes.
Maybe you think it is silly, maybe you think I am being over dramatic about it...you know, I did not even know one soul lost that day. I did have one close friend who worked in #7. A Secret Service Agent. He was not murdered that day. So why does it affect me so? I can not tell you that. I do not know myself.
Some people rallied and went down over the weeks to come. To cheer the men and women who were digging out the site. Maybe I am weak, but it is something I could not do.
I will NEVER forget THE DAY and the innocents who were murdered or the thousands of heroes who put their lives at risk - many giving their lives in the process -
NEVER FORGET
NEVER FORGET
NEVER FORGET
If you are new and want to read the post about THE DAY, you can go HERE
I will only leave you with this...THE DAY after...but I could not think of it to do so yesterday...
I always felt this picture needed to be manipulated so that the flagwas the center of what you see, so I did so in photoshop.
And the license plate from NJ. I had this plate since 1997, but on September 11, 2001 it took on a special meaning when I finally returned from the City and looked at it.
Since that day, it has stood for
Remember
Forever
911
Terrorism
I have been posting new music on Friday's the last number of weeks...this week we will stay silent...in the memory of all the souls lost that day...
I was 3000 miles away from it when it happened. But I can't shake it.
It comes back so incredibly strong and vivid every year, first with the uneasy feeling that I can't describe, then with terrifying force when I open my eyes on the morning...1 year later, 3 years later, 5 or 7 years later.
There's a crescendo of overwhelming feeling throughout THE DAY, and then it begins to recede so that the immediate horror fades to something easier for every day wear.
But it never really goes away.
I worked in the Howard Hughes Center near the LA airport not long after THE DAY. The jumbo jets on final approach were incredibly large. The optical illusion of the surrounding buildings in relation to our building was such that the jets appeared to be flying through the buildings, routinely, one after another, every day, all day. And my desk faced directly out the window.
It took a long time to overcome that split second of panic; until I finally trained myself not to look up at the sound of the jets.
Sorry for the ramble.
I understand. It hurts. It always will. And although it doesn't need explaining, somehow it feels better to ramble the words out.
I was going to write a post on living in a 9/12 world; about how my children and the children of their generation are living in a world post 9/11 and the impact this tragedy had on them.
I couldn't do it.
SMOOCH
May the God of all creation wrap His arms around those whose hearts ache this week because a loved one was lost. Father, hold them in them close to your heart and reveal to them the love that can only come from the Creator and is only expressed toward the crown jewel of His creation. Lord give them comfort, strength, and courage to face this day, and every day. Grant us the peace that passes all understanding, when faced with events that we cannot understand. Amen
TRAVIS: When we share our inner most thoughts it is never a ramble. And I agree...letting them out does help. Thank you for allowing me to let mine out to you my friend
SONGBIRD: I can understand how difficult it must be...Matt was older, so it was easier to explain and get him through it...
TURNBABY: Why not deliver that in person in two weeks for the ALLMAN BROTHERS!!!???
DRILLERAA: Thank you Sir...thank you
((HUGS))
Have a nice weekend Vinny...
I was miles away as well - but significantly impacted. I worked the tech support line for a large manufacturer of respirators (i.e. "gas masks", "dust masks", etc.).
The day of the tragedy the phones were silent - the day after? Our volume trippled, many calls from people who wanted to protect their families from other seemingly probably attacks. I was educator and counselor, hearing story after story of devistation and loss. Hearing the panic and sobs of the mother who wanted to protect her children but had to be told there was nothing available to her that could do that. Hearing the firefighters talk of the smell of death and wondering what respirator they could use to keep from that olfactory reminder.
I was in a position where I couldn't fall apart. I had to be the stable one - the one without emotion - the one who might be able to offer hope.
THE DAY impacted many in many different ways. I certainly experienced the loss, the sadness, the helplessness for many weeks following and will never be quite the same person.
As I said on Matt's blog yesterday, I think those that were there or who lost people should never be given some sort of timeline on when to get over it.
Hugs, Vinny. In many ways this post as much if not more than your original post of that day.
TUG: HUGS back...have a great weekend dear
DANA: You did not have to live in NY or Washington or have loved ones on Flight 93 to be impacted. Your story is touching and I thank you for sharing it.
STARR: Totally agree...no time line at all and I hope that 100 years, my grandchildren and their children still remember...
Thank you my friend.
I remembered too.
I will never forget - ever.
My real prayer is that there won't be another attack on our soil.
Vin - It is not that you are weak. You are a compassionate soul with much depth. We all deal with it in our way. I'm not sure I would fare well at Ground Zero either.
Reading Trav's comment above and others...his telling about the planes in the window. I understand.
I didn't know any of the victims personally either except indirectly a woman named Sandy Bradshaw who lived near me and was a flight attendant on the White House bound plane. She died at the hands of the hijackers in front of everybody in the plane, trying to assist terrified passengers. There is always a memorial to her at the local high school here at this time.
But I do know how you feel about the planes. For six weeks straight I had nightmares of planes flying into buildings. Every single night.
Isn't it amazing how the tragedy permeated all of us and continues to. Murder, yes. And anger sometimes still....
Smooch to you.
I got so wrapped up in your post I forgot to say THANK YOU for flying the countdown and the banner.
I know you have a heart for peace globes.
((((HUGS))))
Hell of a day,
That day.
I pray!
I had just started working in a company surrounded by refineries. I remember watching the TV in the conference room, the picture very grainy with some of my fellow firefighters. I lost many brothers there, brothers I've never met.
I had stayed away from any reference of that day...
I did not do a post on 9/11, but I will never ever forget that day for the rest of my life. I never in my life felt such fear and shock inside of me like I did on that day. Its okay to feel the way you do Vinny, everyone has grieved this day in their own ways. The most important thing is to grieve and not let it fester. I am sending you hugs my friend and my hand also if that would help. You can take it any time you may need it.
God Bless America!
Love,
Kimmie
TOPCHAMP: You did not have to live in America to remember - thanks
KATHERINE: I also pray that...
MIMI: Thank you friend...and hugs for you
You know it was going up as soon as possible
MERI: HUGS back
MICKEY-T: We all pray
ANNDI: Thank you for that
KIMMIE: How wonderful of you..thanks
Can I give another hug? I'm from Brooklyn ya know - we're big huggers! and lots of times we won't even take your wallet ;)
The license plate gave me a chill. As did your decision to have a silent Friday. I get it Vin, I truly get it.
3 years ago I flew to Chicago on 9/11. My DIL needed to get her wedding dress. I took a deep breath and on we went. What really got to me was when we were wandering around Chicago late that day. I realized we were in the food court of their "World Trade Center". The building name was so small. Raised letters on a brass plaque but it just jumped off the wall at me. I started to cry and had to go over to it. A woman noticed me - big blubbery mess of me - and stood there for a moment and then asked "Are you from NY?" I nodded and she rubbed my shoulder and stood next to me. Another person came by and she whispered something to them, and then another. We had a small crowd for a bit - just looking at me looking at the plaque. I felt silly for a second but then I quietly thanked everybody and walked outside. Everyone met my gaze and everyone got it. As I said in my post that you so kindly mentioned - we're all neighbors.
I haven't thought of that Chicago day in a long time, not even on the 11th. Your mention of flying brought it back - thanks.
I'll never forget where I was when it happened. I'm sure everyone else can, too. I was out of the office and when I got back, I quickly realized we should just shut down for the day. I sent 250 home.
The first thing I did was to call Gary to check on him, then called my sisters to ensure the family was OK. Once reassured all my loved ones were safe, I retreated to my home office and stared at the TV with bewilderment and shock.
Your plate gave me shivers. I remember. You know, I enjoy standing a nd placing my hand over my heart and sining the national anthem before our trap shoots. I also like saying the pledge of allegiance before our antique car club meetings. By the way we do not remove the word GOD when we say the pledge.
i made it to read one of your posts
thanks darlin dear for the emails, phone calls, posts, thoughts and prayers
ya know I love you and Nancy both
to pieces and pieces
i have a couple of things I want to ask you about to add to my blog and my g rated daddy and daughter blog
god that sounds freaking weird~~~
glad I have you as a real world/internet friend
tty soon v
c
Terrific post. Way to go...
DIANNE: Thanks for being there and for your incredible stories and support
FRED: I am sure everyone can tell exactly where they were that day...we were all impacted to such a degree that we will carry it forever
LU': Thank you and I love singing at sporting events...but hate that there are so many times I have to instruct people to REMOVE THEIR HATS!
CHARLENE: Wonderful to hear from you...let me know what you need...anytime...Nancy and I are both here for you
BUD: Thanks my friend...
I had planned on doing a post totally unrelated to The Day the night before. When I got up the next morning and realized what day it was, I decided not to post at all. It just didn't feel right to me.
Admittedly, living on the west coast, we are quite removed from much of the personal emotion that comes from a close up encounter like our brothers and sisters back east. In someways I'm selfishly glad of that, but in many ways it's unfortunate. It was a horrific day and we should all remember it if for no other reason, respect.
Obviously there are many other reasons too, but that is a big one.
I remember going to Arlington National Cemetery many years ago. I didn't know a single person buried there, but I stood there and wept none the less. I didn't feel ashamed of my emotions then as I wouldn't expect you to feel awkward about your uneasiness of going to ground zero.
I remember
JEFF: Thanks for those wonderful words my friend...
Thank me for what?
ANNDI: For your recollection dear