Big Leather Couch

THE COUCH knew something was fishy, but we thought the dad was involved…

NOW...it appears maybe the government is the one being paid under the table…

SHOCK SURPRISE!

The father of the Malawian boy Madonna plans to adopt is now saying he never intended his son to be adopted by the pop star, but only for her to raise the child on his behalf.

In an interview with Reuters Television in his home village of Lipunga on Saturday, Yohane Banda said Madonna asked that she be able to raise his one-year-old son on his behalf, rather than that the child should become her own.

"Had they told us that Madonna wanted to adopt my son and make him her own son, we would not have agreed to that," Banda said in his local language of Chichewa. "It would have been better for him to continue staying at the orphanage because I see no reason why my child should be given away forever when I can feed him."

"I cannot read and write so I relied on what the (government) officials told me that the papers said Madonna would look after the child the way the orphanage planned to educate him and then he comes back to me," Banda said.

Asked if he had any copies of the agreements he signed with Madonna, Banda said: "I am still waiting to get my copies." He said the copies were still in the hands of the government officials who mediated the agreement.

Banda said he would wait to see them before deciding what action to take after consultations with his mother and other family members.

Banda said he gave the boy to the orphanage mainly for medical care and breast-feeding after the boy's mother died of malaria days after giving birth to him.

"We sent this child to an orphanage because at one month we could not look after him, we did not have a health center nearby and the orphanage was the ideal place for him," he said.

A senior Malawian government official on Monday dismissed as untrue remarks by Banda.

His comments were categorically denied by Penson Kilembe, director of child welfare in the Ministry of Women and Child Development, who told Reuters the Ministry explained every detail of the process to Banda and his family.

"We explained every detail, and Madonna herself explained her intentions in the face of the judge and in Banda's presence," Kilembe said. "He (Banda) was asked several times in court if he understood what was going on, and he said he did."

Kilembe is one of the senior government officials whom Banda said he met several times over his son, David, and whom he said had made him sign papers he later said he never understood.

Banda told Reuters he could not read or write and relied on what government officials told him.
Kilembe said Banda was told 12 children had been presented (presented????) to Madonna, who picked David, and that the singer would select (would select???? - as in, Oh, let's see that dress in a different color, would select????) another child if Banda did not want his son adopted.

"What he has told you now is not true," Kilembe said, but refusing to provide the adoption papers that the father signed.

Kilembe then climbed into his 2007 Hummer and drove to his brand new 25-room home on the outskirts of the city.

OK…OK…OK…I made the last paragraph up, but I would watch this joker’s bank account real closely!
Judge Lake did a good thing sentencing Jeff Skilling to 24 years in prison and ordering him to pay $45 million in restitution.

Of course this dirtbag Skilling keeps claiming he did not do anything wrong.

"I will live those days and everything that happened subsequently for the rest of my life," he said. "I have friends who died," said Skilling.

Ummm...Jeff, OK Ken Lay died of a heart attack…though THE COUCH still wants to see the actual body before believing he is not living in Pago Pago…BUT…Cliff Baxter shot himself, taking the coward’s way out.

"All that being said, your honor, I am innocent of these charges. I am innocent of every one of these charges."

Outside the courthouse, a resolute Skilling said he had no regrets that he went to trial rather than cut a plea deal.
"No. I'm innocent," he said, when asked if he considered it. "I can't do that. I've told my children I'm innocent."

OCTOBER 8, 2006
THE COUCH arrived in Memphis and drove to the Hilton located across from where its new office would be.

THE COUCH unloaded the car with the help of a bellhop, and walked to the front desk. Our reservation was in order, but when she ran the debit card, she noted (with a slight scowl) that it was not accepted.

Well, THE COUCH kind of felt that might happen. You see, THE COUCH doesn’t have any credit cards at the moment.

So, THE COUCH made a call and explained this to our boss. He suggested to just go down the road to the Hampton Inn, because it was a direct bill to the company hotel. Now the travel office is not open on the weekends (and doesn’t have a cover service---not smart IMHO), so THE COUCH drove over to the Hampton.

The clerk obviously didn’t know anything about the direct bill, but ran the debit for one night and it did pass…so THE COUCH moved its stuff into the room assigned.

OK, looking around…umm where is the closet? OH there it is…but ummm it is all of 24” deep…NO LIE…OK, will deal with it…

THE COUCH looked around and realized there was not a dresser in the room. The only drawers being the two in the nightstand. OK this will not do for a 3 week stay.

That night THE COUCH took matters into it’s own hands and pulled out the yellow pages and called around. The Staybridge Suites hotel is also right near the office. Calling over there, THE COUCH found that the discount rate for ServiceMaster is actually lower then any of the other hotels suggested to stay in.

OCTOBER 9, 2006
A call goes to the travel company and they make arrangements for THE COUCH to check in the next day. That would give it time for some money to hit the checking account to pay for the stay at the Hampton.

The travel company also explains that the Hampton Inn THE COUCH is currently in is not the correct Hampton Inn that offers our company direct billing, so the bill would have to be paid for upon checking out!

OCTOBER 10, 2006
At noon check-in at The Staybridge occurs and THE COUCH feels like this is a good move. Two rooms a refrigerator, a microwave a separate room to sleep in.

OCTOBER 11 – 15
Apartment hunting and finally a great place is found on Saturday!

BUT, THE COUCH realizes that the excellent apartment that will be it’s home in Memphis will not be available until the beginning of November meaning the hotel stay will be almost 22 days.

Now this is all being reimbursed, but without a credit card, the money is immediately deducted from the checking account and …well…that is not going to work.

So, down to the front desk.. “Can you direct bill my company?” “No, they do not stay here enough.” RUT RO

OCTOBER 16, 2006
Call to company…"What to do?” “Well move to the Hampton Inn that DOES direct bill.”
THE COUCH has to ask “Does it have a dresser and a larger closet?” The answer is an affirmative…

That night THE COUCH packs once again.

OCTOBER 17, 2006
The move to the new Hampton Inn occurs.

Yup…dresser…yup…bigger closet (not much bigger, but still)…but no refrigerator, no microwave…one room… OH Well, THE COUCH is resourceful.

But a slightly weird smell in the bathroom. Front desk sends up maintenence...they spray some air freshener..smell is gone.

OCTOBER 19, 2006
Phone call … “Sorry, you are not approved to move into this apartment complex.”
THE COUCH is devastated….what to do…what to do…..????????

AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

OK, calm down….breathe deep…a few friends of THE COUCH dope slap him into realizing he just needs to relax. Thank you friends!

OCTOBER 20, 2006
Leave work early and go to another apartment complex down the road.

OK, it is older, not as “pretty” as the one THE COUCH was going to move into, but you know what? Have to make a decision.

In the leasing office, THE COUCH says “Look, I was at one of your other properties (YUP, same management company) and before I write you a check for you to review my financials, let me tell you that I was denied there. My score was a bit too low.”
The response: “OH, no problem Mr. COUCH, we have a lower scoring system, and as you were talking, I checked and you qualify.”

So, THE COUCH makes the deal, signs the papers. Actually take possession the following Wednesday and gets money off the first three months.

Back to hotel…hummmm..same management company…different scoring levels…apartments pricing almost the same!?!?

THE COUCH thinks it could make a real stink over this, but decides…The hell with it … and moves on.

OCTOBER 23, 2006
THE COUCH arrives back after a day at work. Front desk says, "OH excuse me Mr. COUCH, but we have to move you to a new room. It seems there is a problem with your toilet, so we are moving you into the room next door."

THE COUCH moves all it's stuff into the room next door...

FINAL TALLY:
14 days in town
4 hotel bookings
3 hotel stays
4 hotel rooms
2 apartment applications
1 apartment approval
OK, can't help myself...
knowing it is almost all over...PRICELESS

THE COUCH might have “dissociative fugue”…maybe it just imagined the whole thing!
Nope...it happened!
And finally…from the city of Brotherly Love….(thanks for the heads-up Turn)
AP Sports PHILADELPHIA (Oct. 23) - A father pulled a gun on a youth football coach because his son wasn't getting enough playing time, police said.

Wayne Derkotch, 40, was arguing with the coach Sunday during a game of 6- and 7-year-olds when he drew the weapon, police said. No shots were fired.

Derkotch was charged with aggravated assault and other offenses. He did not immediately return a call to his home Monday.

A referee accused of throwing a punch at a man was also arrested on assault charges, police said

KIDDIES.... 6 and 7 year olds!!!!!!!!!! Can we get some reason here folks!!??!!??



Thanks for sitting on THE COUCH, hope you enjoyed your stay.

Remember .. Nets For Malaria - UNFoundation.org/malaria - find the big SI's Nothing But Net logo ... Or call 202.887.9040. Every cent goes to buying nets to place over the beds of children in Africa to stomp out Malaria. PLEASE HELP.

Keep that spark of insanity kids...It helps keep you an individual.

SONG TITLE INDEX:
BABY COME BACK ©1983 Words and music by Billy Rankin.
CRIME I DIDN’T DO©1932 Arranged by Nick Manoloff.
Words and music by Jimmy Long and Gene Autry.M.M. Cole Publishing House, 1932.
HEARTBREAK HOTEL ©1956Thomas Durden and Mae Boren Axton
ITS THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT ©1987 REM