Big Leather Couch

This rant is very personal...

NBC ran a comedy series this past season called "My Name Is Earl"... funny show. The premise is this guy is a petty thief and an all around crappy person. One day, he scratches a lottery ticket and wins $100,000. As he celebrates he runs into the street and a car hits him and he ends up in the hospital, and the winning lottery ticket flutters away. One night watching the "Conan O'Brien Show", and Conan is talking about KARMA and how, if you do something good, something good will happen to you and the reverse...Do something bad and bad things happen. Earl, makes a list of all the bad things he has done in his life and proceeds to try and make amends. Early on, after a few good deed, he is standing on a corner and looks down and THERE IS THE WINNING TICKET, proving to him that KARMA is, in fact real, and he continues on his personal quest.
Is KARMA real? Is this whole premise real?
Can you really have bad things happen to you if you rob or cheat or lie? Will good things happen if you walk an old lady across the street, or give a dollar to a homeless person?
I wonder about this as I sit here at home, unemployed again, without a solid prospect in sight.
I sit and think...What have I done that was so horrible, that these last 5 years have fallen on me?
Was it something I did 5+ years ago, or was it something I did as a younger man?
Or is it all just bullshit and this is just the way life is?
I brought my family back from Boston because we were not happy living there. I loved the company I was working for, and they loved me.
I joined a company that people had whispered to me to be careful of, due to their reputation. I worked my butt off for them...I negotiated them out of a possible lawsuit over a project that happened before my arrival. I reinvented their entire workflow system and realized a 10% time savings for the group. When the traffic/operations person left on maternity leave, I took over her role in addition to mine. I spend hours there at night producing powerpoint presentations for new business pitches. One day, I went to the owner and told him the large area in the building where samples were stored was a total wreck and the adjoining room was even worse. Two months later, I had reorganized the entire section of the building - throwing out 2 - 5 yard containers worth of material and reorganizing the sample area so we could find things when needed.
I was not perfect..Things were not always smooth, but I tried....
Then the creative director and I had a falling out - the story is too long and convoluted to express here, but let's just say, I lost the battle since he was considered a star by them (personally, he was an OK writer and a HORRIBLE manager). Well, the day I finished with the reorganization, I was told my services were no longer needed and they gave the position back to the woman who had screwed it up before my hire.
10 months out of work. I get hired at a lower salary, but due to adjustments, found myself back to the original salary within two months. Then ... A layoff and I am out of work again - this time for about 5 months. I find a spot at another ad agency and on that very day Juno Online calls and begs me to come to work for them. I decide to take the leap and move to Juno after one day at this other agency - effectively burning that bridge for life.
Great...Not the same salary, but Juno is growing and I will grow with them. OH, until they are bought by NetZero and I am told I will not be retained.
I get a job working for a man who has a reputation in the business, but they are asking me to be a key player and to run new business presentations and help grow their business. Sounds great, except I soon realize his son is taking a larger role in the business. The son is a business major..no knowledge of what we do other then the dollars and cents. He is also a micro-manager and rewrites every word I put on paper. Then he hires two more people just like him and I see the writing on the wall.
I get a freelance job right away, and am asked to start in 2 weeks...GREAT!
First day on the job, I find I have a new boss (old one had been fired)...rut ro George, --but NO, new boss loves me and hires me full time. We are getting along great. She is sick and there is a presentation in California...do they send the guy who has been there 13 years? Nope, they ask me to go. Presentation report is we did great, but client has decided to wait to make a decision...
Then one year later, I get the call into the office...cutbacks again...my boss wants to let go of Mr 13 years, but has been told, nope...Last in-first out and I am unemployed again.
Been freelancing since then - until Friday, when they hired someone for the job the person who passed away held. This person had told the CFO that I was a great choice to succeed him (someone was in the hospital room when it was spoken of - so I know it is true) - doesn't matter...
Had some great interview recently with a company and I was real confident... nope...on the same Friday, I am told they went "another direction."
So, here I sit...Unemployed, no money at all...no retirement...nothing...
I do not feel sorry for myself ..that is not what this is about...
I just want to know...is this KARMA of just a run of bad luck?
If it is KARMA, I need to figure out what I did wrong...

I know I am a good person..I do many things for others...I still volunteer for our local Little League, 7 years after my son is out... running their concession stand and earning them about $10,000/year net.
I still am involved in the Baseball Boosters at the HS after Matt is in college...

Is KARMA real?

Will a huge gust of wind blow the black cloud away soon?

These are the things that go through my mind....and it is not for me that I am sad, but for Matt and Allyson who I am supposed to be the provider for...

No pity asked for... But I needed to vent today.

I wish certain people did not know of this blog on days like today...because I know this will hurt them... but believe me...I was raised to survive and I will

Remember .. Nets For Malaria - UNFoundation.org/malaria - find the big SI's Nothing But Net logo ... or call 202.887.9040. Every cent goes to buying nets to place over the beds of children in Africa to stomp out Malaria. PLEASE HELP.

Keep that spark of insanity kids...It helps keep you an individual.