W.C. Fields is credited with once saying "I don't drink water, fish f**k in it"...
Well, I have been known to drink water, but after a 4 hour span on Tuesday, I am not sure I ever want to see another drop of water in my life.
It was about 3:00 pm or so on Tuesday when I went to the cooler and dispensed a half cup of water. I walked back to my desk and set it down and then began speaking with my co-worker Susan. I turn to my right and hit the cup which spills the water all over my calculator.
The calculator, which was on, immediately begins to flash numbers that looked eerily similar to the numbers on Lost...
...
Then the national debt began flashing 
I grabbed some napkins I keep in my drawer and, while muttering some choice words, begin to mop up all the water...AFTER, I unplugged the calculator. I turned the calculator over and water came trickling out...OH GREAT!
Before leaving for the day I plugged in the calculator and nothing happened. Then all of a sudden the screen looked like hieroglyphics...and out of nowhere the paper feed began to spin...over and over...
PRESS PLAY:
So, I unplug the calculator hoping by the morning it will have dried out inside. I also make a mental note to grab a Phillips-head in case I have to open it in the morning.
Head home, have some dinner, do the Radio Happy Hour. As the show is beginning I mention the heavy thunderboomers that were occurring outside. It rained for a while, stopped and then bagan raining again and was still raining, although lighter, when I went to sleep.
When I woke up yesterday I could tell it was still overcast, so I open the blinds on the window upstairs and look out.
The blood rushes to my head...I can hear my heartbeat in my ears...my knees go a bit weak and slowly....ever so slowly.....
PRESS PLAY:
Did you have a clue? Well....I had left my sunroof open when I got home!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, there I am hair all wet from the shower, throwing on a pair of shorts and grabbing my keys. Open the door and look in front. Some water in the center console...no major harm....'gee the rug feels only a little damp...weird'.
I look in the back and
PRESS PLAY:
Water...Water...Water...on the floor in the back...standing about a 1/4"....(do I have to put the player here again, or would you just like to press play on the one above?)
Into the apartment...upstairs....every towel I have....back out...soaking it up...I had about 7 towels and they are all soaked.
I went in and got dressed and went to work. At lunch, I went and vacuumed the car to soak up some more water. It is still damp in the back and I think I am going to stop on the way to work and buy some kitty litter and spread a thin layer on the rug. We used to use the stuff on the baseball infield when we were out of the 'diamond dust' clay powder. And kitty litter does have a lot of clay.
And YES...I know I can't blame the water for all my woes and for me to have suffered a 4 hour Brain Cramp...but it is better than titling this entry "I Is Idjit"
Well...isn't it?????
From the website Mississippi Folkart Folklife Directory: "Bassist, vocalist, and bandleader Wesley Jefferson has been a stalwart of the Clarksdale blues scene since the mid-1960s. He was born in Roundaway in Coahoma County on March 23, 1944, the oldest boy of thirteen children. As a youth he picked and chopped cotton, plowed with mules and later with a tractor, and lived in extreme poverty.
He recalls being influenced by his grandfather, Claude Jefferson, who played guitar at his home in Clarksdale. He also furtively listened to records by “deep blues” artists at a juke joint run by his mother “way out in the field,” where they sold catfish and moonshine made by his stepfather. Local musicians who he saw playing at small venues in the country included the one-man-band “Popeye,” guitarist Ernest Roy—“the best guitarist I ever seen,” and the band led by Tutwiler’s Lee Kizart, who hauled his piano from gig to gig."
And more brilliance by Mr. Fields...
# A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
# After two days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
# Children should neither be seen nor heard from -- ever again.
# I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
# I never met a kid I liked.
# I was married once -- in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
# If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again. Then give up. There's no use being a damned fool about it.
# Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
# My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whittish fluid they force down helpless babies.
# Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
# Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
# The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
# Last week I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
# Here lies W.C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
(His suggested epitaph for himself)
# I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
# More people are driven insane through religius hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
# I'll be sober tomorrow, but you'll be crazy for the rest of your life.
# Start off everyday with a smile and get it over with.
# Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
# "Fields reloading!" (Fields' retort from his dressing room after a director had shouted, "Camera reloading!")
# How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil's Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon--and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
# I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
