Big Leather Couch

COUCH NOTE: THE COUCH is embarrassed to say that we must issue an apology today...we were duped...

PAUL VANCE the writer of "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" is not dead...correct...we said NOT dead....as we reported on September 27, 2006. That post can be found HERE.

It appears the gentleman who did die and IS named Paul van Valkenburgh has falsely claimed to have written the song under a "pen" name.

TSK TSK Mr. vanV ...

Reports say that Mr. Vance learned of his untimely demise while watching The O'Reilly Factor (though THE COUCH has heard rumors he actually learned about it by reading it right here folks!), and has called it "the most bizarre experience in my life."

Well...we would think so!

In addition, Mr. Vance, who is now an owner of thoroughbred horses had two of his horses scratched from Vernon Downs in New York.

Again, Mr. Vance, THE COUCH is sorry...but we weren't the only one who was tricked!
OK...I got permission to stay in a hotel until the 2nd...except I have to move to the corporate hotel, so it means ... NO MORE SUITE LIVING! Kind of sad, since the suite is actually less money per night, but this new hotel allows billing to go straight to the corporate account and that is better for me.

Turned in my application for my apartment...fingers crossed it is accepted...not totally guaranteed with my ... um ...credit history ... hehehe
Have to comment on this University of Miami/Florida International brawl that took place this past weekend during their football game.

UM has always had a reputation of being "Thug U"....

But what happened this past weekend was stomach turning.


Reddick was suspended indefinitely and in THE COUCH'S opinion should never walk on a football field again...college or Pro. Florida International seems to be taking this much more seriously, as they should.
They dismissed Chris Smith and Marshall McDuffie Jr. from the team and suspended 16 others indefinitely. All 18 will be required to complete 10 hours of anger-management counseling and fulfill 50 hours of community service "intended to educate South Florida youth on appropriate behavior at athletic competitions."

Let them finish their community service and then throw them out of school too in our opinion.

Then, when you think it can't get any worse, news comes of the firing of Lamar Thomas, a former UM and NFL player. He was working the game for Comcast Sports SouthEast, and sounded just like someone who went to school at THUG U. Here is a transcript of what he said on-air. I understand if you do a search you can hear it for yourself...but I think this says it all:

"Now, that's what I'm talking about," Thomas said as the brawl raged out of control. "You come into our house, you should get your behind kicked. You don't come into the OB (Orange Bowl) playing that stuff. You're across the ocean over there. You're across the city. You can't come over to our place talking noise like that. You'll get your butt beat. I was about to go down the elevator to get in that thing."

Miami and Florida International have campuses nine miles apart in Miami-Dade County. It was the first meeting between the two programs, and the Hurricanes went on to win 35-0.

As the fight slowed, Thomas' comments continued.

"I say, why don't they just meet outside in the tunnel after the ball game and get it on some more? You don't come into the OB, baby," Thomas said. "We've had a down couple years but you don't come in here talking smack. Not in our house."

Ummm Lamar...your mama shoulda smacked you more often and taught you respect and manners, you low-life.As a public service, THE COUCH now lists some scary places to get the bejeepers scared out of you for Halloween.

This just happens to be my favorite holiday and I am sad I will not have a place to set up my spookiness. I just lovvvvvve to scare the trick or treaters. I do have a rule that they must be about 9 or older to really scare though.

When we lived in Massachussetts in the apartment clomplex, I put on ratty old clothes..stuffed straw in the sleeves..gloves..one of my collection of horror masks and went and stood in a public area. Of course a group came alone (including Matt) and all stood around trying to figure out if it was a person or fake.

Finally, one brave soul came close enough and pushed on my chest. I fell straight backward onto the ground (YEAH IT HURT - but all great pranks involve some pain)...they all laughed saying .."oh man it is fake.." about 20 seconds later, I began to rise off the ground...

They scatter yelling and screaming like crazy and all I did was...

"bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha"

Ah...next year I guess...

I have more Halloween spooky stories I will share over the next two weeks...

Here are the sites, as listed on Yahoo's Buzz Log: (though their links just brought you to search pages...I did the work for you and have linked right to the sites home page or to a page to tell you more if they didn't have a site.)

1. Knott's Scary Farm, (Anaheim, California) - COUCH NOTE..this appears totally sold out already!
   
2. Haunted Hoochie (Columbus, Ohio)
3. Cutting Edge Haunted House (Dallas Forth Worth, Texas)
4. Catacombs (Kansas City, Missouri)
5. Niles Haunted House Scream Park (Niles, Michigan)
6. Statesville Haunted Prison (Crest Hill, Illinois)
7. Mansfield Prison (Mansfield, Ohio)
8. Rocky Point Haunted House (Salt Lake City, Utah)
9. Erebus Haunted House (Pontiac, Michigan)
10. Phobia Haunted House (Houston, Texas)
11. 13 Stories Haunted House (Kennesaw, Georgia)
12. Necropolis (Columbia, Missouri)
13. The Beast (Kansas City, Missouri)
14. Bloodview (Cleveland, Ohio) COUCH NOTE: This link did not work for us...but it may for you.
    
15. Screamers House of Horrors (Niagara Falls, Canada)
16. Jaycees Haunted House COUCH NOTE: This is the search link. Find the one near you.
    
17. The Dungeon of Doom (Grayslake, Illinois)
18. Slaughterhouse COUCH NOTE: This is the search link. Find the one near you.
19. Hades Haunted House (Chicago, Illinois) COUCH NOTE: On your own with this one..no info found
    
20. Monster Mountain (Hendersonville, Tennessee) COUCH NOTE: not a house a trail through the woods!
    

Gosh, #2...I think I might know some of those Hootchies! bwahahahahahahaaaa

And for you in Illinois...I found this site by accident which lists all the Haunted Houses in IL. Find it HERE
Well...that is more then enough blatthering from me today...


Thanks for sitting on THE COUCH, hope you enjoyed your stay.

FIND AN OPPORTUNITY TO PAY IT FORWARD!

Remember .. Nets For Malaria - UNFoundation.org/malaria - find the big SI's Nothing But Net logo ... Or call 202.887.9040. Every cent goes to buying nets to place over the beds of children in Africa to stomp out Malaria. PLEASE HELP.

Keep that spark of insanity kids...It helps keep you an individual.