Big Leather Couch

AH, the Super Bowl…the last real football game of the season.

NO the Pro Bowl is NOT a real game.

Friends get together and drink, overeat, cheer for their favorite team…and watch the COMMERCIALS!

Over the years, the commercials have been as much of the hype as the game itself. Many years, the commercials were the best part of the game.

The last few years, there seems to have been a decision by the advertisers that a commercial needs to be about their product and not produced for the sheer pleasure of making us watch.

Last night just before the game began, there was a big commercial. Guess what? We have no idea who the advertiser was, but it was a party and Martha Stewart was there and Beckham.

THE COUCH thought this was a great idea for a series of ads to appear throughout the game….but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…nothing else… not one visit back to the party.

From that point on, we kept track of the commercials …

THE COUCH ratings are simple 10 is a classic – 1 is why did you waste your money LOSERS. So, let’s go to the videotape…

BUD LIGHT - ROCK PAPER SCISSORS – What a great concept. We laughed outloud. “Low five..bwahahahahahaah - 8

BLOCKBUSTER – CLICK THE MOUSE – Definitely in the running for a classic commercial when they do the review of commercials over the years. “Ummm try dragging it…” LOLOLOLOL - 10

SIERRA MIST - BEARD COMB OVER – Had to look twice at this one. Very weird, but sort of funny. – 7.5

SALES GENIE - SALES GUY – Ummm Sales Genie seems to have spent a whole lot of money yesterday. Sure hope it brings them in some sales - 4

SIERRA MIST – KARATE – OK, following up a commercial that they got a 6 on.. right down the toilet - 1

SPEED TEST – TOYOTA TUNDRA – A typical car commercial, with a twist. Stopping the truck right on the edge. OK, we all know it was probably done with computer graphics to show the end of the cliff.. but still pretty cool - 7

FED EX – MOON OFFICE – Interesting concept… poor Phil - 5

BUD LITE – WEDDING – One way to get to the kiss quick - 7

SNICKERS – KISS IN GARAGE - OK, besides the fact that it made me shiver, this was one funny concept. - 9

QUATTRO – TEST – UGH - 1

PROMO - MOVIE

PROMO - SURVIVOR

CHEVY – SINGING – Liked the different styles of tunes with the different cars. 7

SECOND QUARTER

BUD LIGHT – CLASS – OK, all the other advertisers pay attention to the people at Budweiser, they know what Super Bowl commercials are supposed to be about - 9

PROMO - DAVE & OPRAH

GO DADDY – MARKETING – Never really liked the Go Daddy commercials, this was OK - 4

COKE – GIVE A LITTLE LOVE – The take off on the video game Grand Theft Auto, only the lead character does nice things… missed the mark. - 5 CBS PROMO

BUD – DALMATION – Wonderfully done…cute, sweet, funny, happy… 10

GARMIN – MAP MONSTERS – Please treat us like adults - 3

PROMO - CBS CARES

PROMO - GRAMMYS

CAREERBUILDER – JUNGLE – Memories of the Apple “Lemmings Commercial, Intersting concept - 7

DORITOS – CASHIER – Looked like it cost less than $20 to make, and it did - 6

CHEVY –CAR WASH – this scared me, but we are sure people liked it. 6

BUD LIGHT – FACE SLAP – Least favorite of the Bid commercials - 5

AM HEART ASSOCIATION – HEART – Silly - 4

PROMO - UNITED WAY

PROMO - PRINCE

GM – ROBOT – Took a page from Bud. 7

COKE – BLACK HISTORY – Nicely done .. told the story well - 8

PROMO - LETTERMAN – DR. PHIL

PROMO - MOVIE – WILD HOGS – MUST SEE

SPRINT - BROADBAND – Connectile Dysfunction… bwahahahahah - 8

PROMO - HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER -

PROMO - AMAZING RACE

FRITO LAY – FANS – Got your attention..liked it - 8

COKE – REBIRTH – Two good Coke commercials in a row. - 8

PROMO - RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

PROMO - CSI END OF HALF

PRINCE- He was good, but we have heard people talking like it was the best concert ever. Not to me


END OF HALF TIME



PROMO - MEET THE ROBINSON'S

ETRADE – BANK ROBBERY – Got it’s point across in a humorous way. - 7

COKE – ASSEMBLY LINE – Excellent animation…too long. 6

PROMO - LATE LATE SHOW

BUD LIGHT – GORILLAS – And they do it again…8

REVLON – SHERYL CROW – Nothing special what so ever. - 4

CAREERBUILDER – BATTLE – A series of commercials that follow a common theme becomes enjoyable and strange all at the same time. - 7

TACO BELL – LIONS – Another series of commercials. 6

VAN HEUSEN – WARDROBE – An unusual advertiser and they fail horribly. 2

PROMO - 2 ½ MEN

TOYOTA – TUNDRA RAMP – Taking the boring car commercial and making you watch. - 7

EMERALD NUTS - OFFICE – Stupid. 1

T-MOBILE – MY FAVS– Saw this coming from a mile away .. 5

PROMOS - GRAMMY'S

FED EX – GROUND – Forgettable -2

NATIONWIDE - K-FED – He should be making fries… dumb 3
-
BUDLIGHT – HITCHHIKER – OK, everyone who wants to advertise on the Super Bowl has to go to the Bud “how to do it right class” – It’s a bottle opener – brilliant. 9

PROMO - CSI

PROMO - CBS NEWS

PROMO - PRO BOWL

PROMO – MASTERS

BUD – CRABS – bwahahahahahahahahaha 9

PRUDENTIAL – RETIREMENT – so boring we have forgotten it. 1

HONDA – CRV – boring car commercial - 2

PROMO - SURVIVOR

HP – ORANGE COUNTY CHOPPERS – Good commercial. Actually thought it might be for MAC LOL - 7

IZOD – SPORTS – eh - 3

BUD SELECT – STRATEGY – We want that game! 7

E-TRADE - ONE FINGER – So much potential..never reached - 5

PROMO - RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

PROMO - HANNIBAL RISING – MUST SEE

CAREERBUILDER – INTERVIEW – Best of them all 9

PROMO - CRIMINAL MINDS

END OF GAME

Now, the wedding proposal. They could not get a sponsor and CBS decided not to run it. Sure they had to get in their 200000000 promo ads... corporate weenies. The guy bought local time on the show Victoria Mars tonight. If the network (WB? or whatever they call themselves now) decides to, they might make it national. If not, he has promised to put it up o n his site Thursday. If he does we will direct you there.

Drifting off to sleep that night Bobby made a decision to talk to his best friend from High School, Tommy Beacon. Tommy was the catcher on their high school team and Bobby was a pitcher, so they had made friends early on.

After high school, Tommy had gone to school at CCCC and gotten his AA in Criminal Justice and then joined the Hillsdale police department.

The next morning on his way to work, Bobby called Tommy. “Hey Bobby, what’s going on dude?”

“Listen Tommy, I need to talk to you, can you come to campus and meet me for lunch around noon?”

“No problem brother, meet you at the Ratskeller around one?” “Sounds good Tommy, and thanks.”

When Bobby got to work, he checked the work board and picked up his assignment for the morning. He avoided his FIL/B and headed over to the main cafeteria where the incinerator was malfunctioning.

On his way across campus, his mind was still on yesterday in the bathroom and what he had witnessed. “Bobby-boy…hey Bobby-boy!”

Bobby turned to see Tim fast walking toward him from across the quad. “Whaz up witch ya Bobby? Yas gets sick yesterday an leave dat mess in da badroom fer me ta clean. I’s hope ya feelin’ betta. Well ya mus be orin ya wooden be here would ya? Nope ya wouldn’t.”

“Yeah Tim, sorry about that. I am fine, thanks.”

“Wear yas off to taday? I’s gots to go ova to da main buildin’ seems da winda in da cafeteria done got broke. Dese kids got no ‘spect ya know? Well we walk t’getha sins you gots ta fix da incin’rator”

Bobby shook his head and laughed to himself. Tim asks where he was going, but knew the whole time. Then Bobby decided to take a chance.

“Hey Tim, remember back awhile ago, you were telling me you saw Alex Stern in the administration building basement with some guy and the guy gave him a vial?”

“Now, Bobby-boy I’s tol ya dat in the hush-hush, why ya askin’ ‘bout it? Well course I member, I ain’t like ole Georgie Calhoun. Ya knows Georgie, he a bit touched in da head, since he gots kicked by his mule Sally. I’s always tell Georgie, I says ‘Georgie, ya don wanna be standin behin any mule when ya gotta shoe ‘em, but he no listen an one day Sally reared back and got him righ’ in da head. Doc Applebie say Georgie lucky be alive. Now, ya tell me, is bein’ live when ya sit in da Rose evera day drinkin’ da hootch? I don dink so. I’s tell Becksue, I’s say ‘beck, I gets kicked like dat, ya do me fava and maken sure dey don’ try’n save me, no sir, not tall. So, Bobby-boy wat ya askin’ bout da quaback bout now?”

“I was just, um, wondering what the other guy looked like. I think I saw a guy on campus the other day and he looked like he was up to no good and I wondered if it was the same guy is all,” Bobby semi-lied.

“Leds me dinks, been while now, an ya knows I ain’t as youngen I use ta be.” Tim stopped walking and closed his eyes, trying to concentrate. “Yeah yeah, I’s member, he bout 6 foots or so and he had dis long hair down his shouldas like dose hippies dat used to burn dere bras and stuff in da sebenties. Well not da guys, causen guys don wears bras, well some maybe should dey look so much like gurls anyways. But less see, yeah long hair and he had a long black coat on, and I members dat causen it was liken one of doze like da cowboys wear in da westerns BecSue likes ta watch.”

Bobby, felt pretty sure that the guy Tim had seen giving a mysterious vial to Alex, was the same on that Bobby saw kicking Alex’s ass in the bathroom the day before.

As they walked into Gleason Hall where the cafeteria was located, Bobby saw Alex Stern standing talking to a few girls. Bobby noticed Alex had a cut on his forehead and a small shiner under his right eye. As he and Tim walked past he could hear Alex saying, “Yeah, well you need to see the other guy. Last time he will try and pick a fight over the last slice of pie.”

The girls’ ooo’ed and aaaaah’ed at the big quarterback and hung on his every word. Alex looked over at Bobby as they walked past and then diverted his eyes. This shook Bobby up a bit, could Alex have seen him in the bathroom the day before? He was almost positive he had not been seen, but the look he had just gotten made him think that maybe it wasn’t the case.

It took Bobby about 2 hours to fix the incinerator and then he headed across campus toward the Ratskeller.

When he got there Tommy was sitting at a table flirting with three girls who seemed to have a fixation on the local police office. Tommy looked up and saw Bobby approaching and said to the girls “Well, ladies, my friend is here, but I am usually over at the “Ten Pins” Bowling Alley on Tuesday’s, so if you want to continue this, come on by sometime.”

He got up from his chair and shook Bobby’s hand. The went over and each ordered a hamburger, fries and a Pepsi. When they got to the cashier, Bobby insisted on paying since he had asked Tommy to talk. They made their way to an unoccupied table over in the corner of the on-campus pub and sat down.

“So, Bobby, having a problem at home?” “No, Tommy, why do you ask?”

“Well, something is wrong, I have known you for almost nine years and when one of my pitchers has a problem, I always know.”

“Look Tommy, I am not even sure if I should be telling you this, and right now I want to talk to my friend and not Officer Beacon, OK?”

“Hey Bobby, always friends first, spill.” Tommy dragged three French fries through the pile of ketchup on his plate and slid them into his mouth.

“OK, one of the guys I worked with told me about something he had seen about eight months ago down in the administration building. When he told me, I just let it go and totally forgot about it, but then yesterday something happened and I just can’t keep it to myself, because I think someone might be in big trouble.”





“Whoa, Bobby, let’s start at the beginning,” Tommy said as he took a big bite of his hamburger.

“OK, well this guy I work with told me he saw Alex Stern down in the basement…”

“Alex Stern, the quarterback?” Tommy asked.

“Yeah, him. So anyway, this guy told me he saw Stern with this guy with long hair and the guy handed Stern a vial. The way he described it, it sounded like a vial that doctors use when they give you a shot. So, I just let that go, because this guy who told me, well, sometimes I think he isn’t quite completely there, ya know. He is a nice guy and all, but he lives in this strange little world sometimes. Anyway, I had totally forgotten about it until yesterday.”


“I had to go over to Emmons Hall. See, one of the toilets was clogged.”

“Umm Bobby, I only get an hour for lunch, so if you have a point, time to get to it...”

“Sorry Tommy. Well anyway, I was in the stall working when I heard some voices …”

Bobby Simmons then proceeded to tell his good friend everything that had happened in the bathroom the day before. As he spoke, Tommy Beacon put down his hamburger and fries and listened closely.

When Bobby was done with his tale, Tommy sat and stared for a full minute. “Wow, Bobby, you sure neither one of them saw you?”

“Well, I am almost positive, but I saw Stern earlier today and he looked right at me.”

“So, he looked at you, no biggie.” Tommy said.

“No, Tommy, you don’t understand, around here, no one ever notices the maintenance staff, ever.”

“Look Bobby, I am sure you are exaggerating, but OK, do you now think that maybe this Stern guy knows you were there?”

“I don’t know Tommy, but I do know that this guy is bad news and that Stern is in over his head. I didn’t know if I should say anything to my father-in-law about it. I could never go to the coach; he would laugh me out of his office with this tale. What do you think I should do?”

Tommy took another bite of his hamburger and as he did his eyes wandered across the room and Bobby could see something change in them.

“There’s your steroid-using Quarterback now.” Tommy said. Bobby turned his head to see Alex Stern at the cash register paying for his lunch and he was looking right at them sitting in the corner. There was a flash of anger in his eyes, but it disappeared quickly.

“Did you see the look he just gave us?” Bobby asked.

“What look Bobby, are you going paranoid on me now?”

“Look, its Tuesday, let me talk to the Sarge about this and see what he says. I mean, there really is no evidence to support this and if it comes down to it, it ends up being your word against his. Now bobby, I believe you, but I am not sure everyone will. So, do me a favor and just keep this to yourself for now and let me get back to you.”

They finished their lunch talking about a new girl that Tommy was seeing. When they finished they walked out and Bobby left Tommy at his cruiser. “Just lay low and I will get back to you.”

Bobby walked back to the maintenance office and got his assignment for the afternoon.

The next day Bobby wondered why he had not heard from Tommy yet. It was only 3 days until the game against State and Bobby was nervous about what might happen if Alex Stern didn’t throw the game.

He was heading over to the Athletes dorm to check on a complaint about the heating on the third floor.

When he got there, the place was quiet as everyone was either in classes or at the gym.

Walking around the third floor checking the vents in the hallways, Bobby was lost in his own thoughts, thinking about the comedy he and MaryJane would be seeing that evening. It was the newest by the comedian they both loved.

It was too late before he realized a door had opened to his left and as he turned to see who was there he was grabbed from behind and shoved into the room and thrown on the floor.

Looking up he first noticed Alex Stern standing over him. He opened his mouth to speak when Alex spoke first. “Just shut up and listen Mr. Fix-it. You thought I didn’t notice you in the bathroom the other day did you? Well when you are lying on the floor, you can see under the stalls and I saw your feet and your tool belt. Then you stuck your head out before I left. I don’t know what you heard or what you think, but I can tell you one thing, you better keep your mouth shut.”

“I saw you in the Ratskeller the other day talking to that cop. What the hell were you saying to him?”

Bobby thought quick and blurted “Look man, he is a friend from high school. We have lunch once a week, I didn’t say a word to him, and you gotta believe me. I don’t want to get involved in your business.”

Bobby began to get up off the floor but was pushed back down by the Quarterback.

“Why don’t I believe you townie? Why do I think you want to make a name for yourself? What do you think, you can make a stink and then maybe you don’t have to stick your hand in toilets anymore?”

“You do not know what or who you are messing with. Now just forget what you heard in the bathroom the other day and go clean up a mess somewhere.”

Bobby got up and walked out of the room.

Once outside he took out his cell phone and began to dial…



CREDITS:
MUSIC CODES: Best Audio Codes

SONG FOR MY FATHER: George Benson; Composer: Horace Silver
PASSION, GRACE & FIRE: Al Di Meola; Composer Al Di Meola

BANNER: Redkid.net;

My son Matt was a high school athlete. He also played one year of college baseball. I witnessed many high school athletes who were stars. We have also heard of the high school athletes who received special privileges. But …this is the icing on the cake.

O.J. Mayo is the #1 rated high school senior in the entire country playing basketball today.

O.J. plays for Huntington HS in West Virginia. This is his home town, but he has only played there for this, his senior year. For the last three years, he somehow ended up playing at North Carolina Hill High School in Cincinnati, Ohio. How and why? Well, they had a real good team and he moved in with a relative. He played his varsity career as a seventh grader at Rose Hill Academy in Ashland, KY. Varsity basketball as a seventh grader???? Insanity.

So, we begin with the fact that young man has been treated like royalty since he was 12 or 13 years old. Allowed to move from school to school willy-nilly…”hey O.J., come play for us…we will make you a star…screw an education, it doesn’t matter.”

Mayo has signed a letter of intent to play at USC next year, but it is already presumed he will only spend one year there before moving to the NBA. You see he has to go to college for a year since the NBA changed their rules a few years ago to stop high school kids from moving right into the NBA.

Now O.J. also has to take gym class. And in gym class they play basketball. It has been reported that O.J. isn’t the best classmate. Earlier this season, the following incident occurred as reported by many different news agencies… see whatever this kid does is news…

Seems, O.J. screamed at his teammate in gym class to pass him the ball during a game of hoops. Mayo later apologized, but said the teammate, Jared Wyman, should not be allowed to dribble the ball up court under any circumstances.

“Dude! Give me the ball! Come on!” screamed Mayo as Wyman clumsily dribbled up the court on a fast break. “Over here! What the fuck? I’m O.J. Mayo! I’m the top high school basketball player in the country! Give me the ball, you fat shit!”

Finally, Wyman passed the ball over to Mayo, who drove to the basket and executed a ferocious slam dunk while stepping on the forehead of the opposing defender.

“Yea! That’s what I’m talking about!” he screamed as he made his way back down the court. “Nice pass, Jared! Way to go. Now get back on defense, and if you get the ball again, pass it to me. I promise I’ll pass it right back.” Yeah, right...surrrrrrrrrrrrrre he will.

“I guess I’m just so used to playing on real basketball teams that I can get a little impatient in gym class,” said Mayo. “But even a non-basketball playing fat kid should know enough not to put the ball on the floor like that. If he’s going to grab a rebound he should be looking up the court immediately and throwing me an outlet pass. I wish our gym teacher would emphasize that, but he’s too busy taking pictures of me with his goddamn camera phone.”

Mayo also gets frustrated with other students in his gym class, specifically those who don’t know how to set a proper screen.

“God, you’d think it was rocket science,” Mayo said. “All you have to do is stand there, but most of these kids can’t even get that right. It’s just so frustrating. I should win pretty much every time I step on the floor, but if my supporting cast isn’t good enough, I’m screwed. Let this be a lesson to all the NBA GM’s out there: If you surround me with the right players, I can take you to the Promised Land. If you surround me with a bunch of fatsos and nerds, I’m just going to be another Kevin Garnett.”

Wyman and the rest of the students in Mayo's gym class admit that they’re not in the same league as him when it comes to playing basketball, but they feel they should be lauded for their effort instead of ridiculed for their lack of skills.

“Jesus, I wish he would stop screaming at me all the time,” said Wyman, 17. “I’m doing the best I can out there, and despite what he thinks, I have every right to dribble the damn ball up the court if I want to. So we lose. Who cares? It’s only gym class. It’s supposed to be fun. I don’t see him getting all worked up in algebra class when he flunks a test. I can’t blame him for that, though. Getting good grades is about as useful for him as learning how to execute a pick and roll is for me.”

THE COUCH likes this Wyman kid ALOT!

Pretty freaking horrible right? Well my guests there is more... and this is where it is even more disgusting. Thanks to our friend Travis who clued us in to this part.

This past week, O.J. went to court and got a temporary restraining order allowing him to play in a game against Artesia of Lakewood California, another nationally ranked team.

Why was this necessary...well our friend O.J. was playing in a varsity game recently and earned himself two technical fouls. The restraining order allowed Mayo and FIVE teammates to play in this important game against Artesia.

Circuit Court Judge Dan O’Hanlon (no doubt a fan of Huntington High) set hearings for the players for Feb. 9th and barred state athletic officials from imposing the suspensions until a decision on the players’ procedural rights to appeal penalties.

You see, these are High School players and they do not have the right to appeal penalties when they BREAK THE RULES! The rules have been set to teach LIFE LESSONS...but good old Judge Dan has decided that maybe those rules ain’t right. Nicely done Dan.

Now, why were the six suspended? Well, as we said, Mayo got two technical fouls which means he would be ejected from the game. This is the same rule you play under from peewee basketball right up to the pros... SAME RULE JUDGE DAN.

Now in West Virginia, as in many other states, if you receive two technicals in a game or are ejected for any reason you need to sit out two games. The other rule involved here states that a student …remember we are talking about STUDENTS here Judge Dan, who “in protest lays hands or attempts to lay hands upon an official” can be declared ineligible for up to a year.

See, that rule comes into play because as the ref went to the scorer’s table to report Mayo’s ejection, Mayo bumped the ref from behind. The five teammates were suspended for leaving the bench area to protest the technical and ejection.

So, then they go to court to say “but we wanna play... and I am special don’t you know who I am???”

This gets better kiddies… Mayo’s attorney… a slimy bastard named Mike Woelfel, who just so happens to be the assistant coach at Huntington High – HOW convenient! – told the local paper “We feel O.J. certainly didn’t do anything intentional. If there was contact, it was inadvertent or may have been accidentally initiated by the referee himself.” Wait... the scum sucking attorney is trying to blame the ref….

Guess what Mikey... the bumping does not occur if your client took the ejection like a man and just went to the bench and did not follow the ref.

Under SSAC rules, if a student plays under a restraining order that is later reversed, the team could be forced to forfeit any victories in which the student played.

Let’s all hope the decision is reversed and O.J. learns a lesson from this all. THE COUCH doubts he will and will probably do an interview stating that he is being picked on by “the man.”

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

SO, it is the first day of February.

We have started this post more times then we can count.

We had the greatest month here on THE COUCH.

We would like to thank you, our wonderful guests for coming back day after day. We know that sometimes we are not the most interesting post out there, but every evening as we sit down to write, we are writing for ourself...or are we?

Or are we thinking about our guests. Is that what a true blog is about?

Should we think about our guests? Some would say yes and others would take the opposite side of the argument.


We have a friend who reads us but never comments. They told us a couple of months ago that they had seen a change here on THE COUCH. That they felt we were trying too hard to please our guests and had lost our way. Were we becoming a sideshow act?


We thought about that comment alot and do keep it in the back of our mind. But then, our readers grew. And grew. We were honored with the BESTEST BLOG OF THE DAY. Did that honor us for who we are or who we hope you think we are?


230 posts into this, we are still excited to put our words down on "paper" each day. Would we still do it if, like in the beginning, we got 2 -3 comments a day? We wish we could answer that.


We love doing the Monday Matinee...it has given us an outlet for the flood of thoughts in my brain. Would we be writing if not for THE COUCH..we don't know.


Mid-week Musical Meme allows us to share music with you all...and we did make a promise to ourself that THE COUCH would always have music of some sort...music is who we are down deep.


We have said it before - and we were the first to say it - there is always a soundtrack going on in our head. When we are happy...when we are sad... when we are frustrated... all the time...



But there are days like today when we are totally clueless....and we wonder if we are just a minstrel show...


Our brain is fogged by many things and we have to get this sorted out...

We do know one thing for sure...



Tomorrow is a big FRIDAY SPORTS post, that will include more then just a Super Bowl preview...we hope you come back and see the other oddities we have in the tents along the fairway.